Fancy a slice of toast?

Wine and diamonds. These kind of expensive-for-no-reason things are so obviously scams. It’s a little depressing that this isn’t widespread knowledge by now.

I mean this is hardly the first relevation, stuff like this comes out CONSTANTLY.

The most frequent question I ask when scheduling events is whether or not the time is when we’re leaving, or when we’re meeting there.

Whenever I carry heavy stuff in my pockets, it starts to drag on my leg hair and it is painful.

Is this one of those things that happens to a lot of people but doesn’t get talked about - or am I just a freak?

I don’t get why people are afraid of needles… I get it a little bit - I don’t like watching them as they pierce the skin.

But to be deathly afraid of the pain? Really? To see a adult wimp out of a doctor’s appointment or blood donation because of a needle… not a confidence inspirng site.

Blood donations are the most painful needle I’ve had to experience - but that pain lasts for about HALF A SECOND. HALF A SECOND. Now I’m no super-masculine mega-adonis-man-god but I’m sure I can handle pain for 0.5 seconds.

Blood tests don’t even hurt, and neither do most innoculations. I remember my last holiday vaccination - I literally did not feel the needle go in (“is it in yet?”).

YOU’RE ALL WIMPS.

Ok. So KFC in America serves wedges instead of chips. 

And doesn’t have zinger fillets.

This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.

New favourite past time

Explaining how being a sick cunt is a good thing to the locals.

My upbringing never instilled me with the habit of grabbing my inner long-sleeve before putting something else over the top (suit jacket, actual jacket, etc) - hell I didn’t even know I was supposed to do that until a few years ago.

I didn’t need to do this very often by the by, but I used to just put on the outer layer, and shimmy the under layer back down to the end of my arm… now I put on the outer layer, realise I screwed up, take it off, do the grab thing-o and put it on properly.

Yeah.

Part 2

I bought a couple boxes of Girl Scout Cookies on the weekend. Am I American yet?

I just signed up for Netflix. Am I American yet?

THE deParting Posse. Album out March 26th.

THE deParting Posse. Album out March 26th.